Legal Humor, After-Dinner Entertainment, Downright Funny Presentations

No wonder The American Lawyer magazine dubbed him "the Official Lawyer’s Comedian."

Dan White’s unique brand of legal humor has already touched the funny bone(s) of lawyers, judges, and others in 49 of the 50 states. (Don’t get us started on the lone holdout. It knows who it is.)

Dan has brought mirth and merriment to meetings of individual law firms, corporate law departments, law school reunions — you-name-it. And be assured, whenever spouses are in attendance, they’re the ones laughing the hardest (and agreeing, for the first time ever, that they might be willing to come back next year — if Dan White is going to be the speaker again).

Well-known groups that have enjoyed his presentations include:

• The American Bar Association
• The American Corporate Counsel Association
• The National Association for Law Placement
• The National Association of Legal Secretaries
• The Federation of Insurance and Corporate Counsel

Sure, the "serious" subject Dan teaches for P.E.G. — Superior Legal Writing & Editing: Writing for People, Not Professors — also bears his trademark humorous touch. But the programs we’re talking about now — these are pure, unadulterated, unmitigated, and unrelenting humor.

Eight Sample Topics (and Accompanying Tidbits)

Pick a topic, or work with Dan to customize one for your individual group.

Legal Levity — Is it True That There Are No Funny Lawyers, Only Funny People Who Made a Career Mistake?

• Lawyers aren’t known for their sense of humor. Indeed, they’re perceived as drab, humorless and sober — and for that reason are frequently mistaken for actuaries.
• Is this reputation justified? Test the lawyers at your firm with a harmless prank — the next time a senior partner’s wife gets pregnant, circulate a memo denying responsibility.
• Come explore the miracle, the tragedy, the oxymoron that is "legal levity."

Cultivating the Lawyerly Image — Think Yiddish, Dress British

• Do pin stripes make you look like a lawyer — or a New York Yankee?
• Do your suits run the gamut from gray to black, with a navy three-piece thrown in for really festive occasions?
• Would people describe your wardrobe as: a. "drab," b. "lawyerly," c. "funereal," or d. "Republican"?

Law Firm Recruiting — There is No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Advice for novice recruits:

• Expensive lunches are not the time to play "stump the bartender."
• Never order spaghetti or anything else likely to get friendly with your shirt.
• Stay simple with wine: It comes in red and white – those are your options.

The Care and Feeding of Associates — Why Bother With the "Care" Part?

• Too many young lawyers don’t understand how to cultivate the legally mandatory image of a workhorse, such as by calling the office on Saturday morning and having yourself paged.
• Brand new associates have even been known to think time sheets are supposed to reflect what you were actually doing – how stupid is that?
• But there are ways to help these pathetic, unseeing creatures (as they’re on their way out the door). Dan White will explain how.

Are You a Real Lawyer?

We all know real men don’t eat quiche, but what are the hallmarks of real lawyerosity?

• Real lawyers don’t have tans. They prefer the office to the beach.
• Real lawyers eat fast food. Eating is a nuisance; it just gets in the way of working.
• But . . . do real lawyers wear suspenders, drive flashy cars, or have erotic daydreams? (Hint: If you were a real lawyer, you’d already know.)

From "Legalese" to Plain English (and Other Silly Notions)

In his ground-breaking work, White’s Law Dictionary, Dan White provides such illuminating definitions as:

• legalese: A complex language based on Latin (and hopefully destined for the same fate) that lawyers use to prevent clients from understanding what they're being with . . . and for.
• tax lawyer: Someone with a flare for numbers but without the personality to be an accountant.
• bankruptcy: Life after debt.
• deadwood: Anyone in your office senior to you.

So You’re a Partner Now . . . (The Crock at the End of the Rainbow)

Life as a partner is different from that as an associate — not as different as you’d hoped, but still, there are a few new challenges to master.

Some suggested CLE courses:

• "Managing the Client — Finding Him, Humoring Him, Keeping Him in His Place"
• "Weekend Work — Observing the Sabbath, and Keeping Your Associates at Work Throughout It"
• "Recognizing Signs That You’re On Your Way Out — e.g., Your New Office Has No Desk or Windows, and the Seat Flushes"

Lawyers vs. Doctors — Shouldn’t Both Groups Get to See People Naked?

• Why the traditional animosity between doctors and lawyers? They attended the same schools, they’re members of the same clubs — they’re natural allies against . . . the poor.
• And yet they’re generally hostile to one another. Why? Because doctors get special license plates?
• Maybe there are other explanations. Dan White, whose brother is a professor at Harvard Medical School, dissects the cadaver of this subject.